In December, I left the pre-Christmas chaos and travelled back to Vajrasana, Suffolk to spend a week on retreat. Led by Breathworks Co-Founders, Vidyamala and Sona, and senior trainers, MJ and Andrea, ‘A Journey into the Heart of Mindfulness and Compassion’ was an opportunity to immerse myself in my practice after focusing on teacher training, and a chance to look inward and reflect before the year came to an end. It was an inspiring and uplifting week, and has led to a series of blog posts, this being the first.

Arriving and Settling

Flames licking, curling, dancing, calming yet full of energy. Soft, smooth, sweet hot chocolate, warming through the mug. Softening my body with every sip, every breath, every ripple of flame.

Having arrived the previous evening and received the warm welcome of a roaring fire, a delicious curry and the friendly faces of the Breathworks team, our first full day was all about coming home. We practised body scans and breathing anchors. We took as much time as we needed to rest. We familiarised ourselves with our surroundings and the community that had gathered. The team showed us a great deal of care and kindness, which came as a permission and a reminder to be kind to ourselves. By the end of the day I felt grounded and settled, ready for the heart-opening practices that were to come.

Cultivating Loving-Kindness: bringing the intention and awareness of mindfulness to the act of being kind

Small but heartfelt and sincere acts of kindness. A door held open. A cup of tea made. A blanket tucked in. A smile.

This was my first retreat alone, with no Personal Assistant or family member to support me. I set up a buddy system in advance and I had a different person kindly volunteering their help each day. It was an opportunity to try things differently, to connect with others and to build my confidence.

What is love? According to Sona, it’s ‘a flashing forth of cosmogonic eros’. I don’t think many of us understood what that meant either, but the practices left me feeling like I had just been given a huge hug and I was deeply moved by the kindness of others. 

Cultivating Compassion: when loving-kindness meets suffering

A smiley, “good morning”. Morning cups of my favourite tea appearing on my bedside table. My hand on my heart whispering, ‘it’s ok.’

It was interesting to observe the mental states that created barriers to receiving help; mental states that used to be my default setting and that still like to pop-up from time to time. Self-criticism, filtering and predicting were all capable of making me feel a burden and of preventing me from fully feeling and enjoying the kindness I was receiving. I felt contracted, my breath inhibited as I resisted my full experience.

How do we respond to suffering, whether our own or others? Can we turn towards it rather than resist it? We have evolved to have sensitive threat systems, but we also have inbuilt tendencies to care.

Cultivating Appreciative Joy: when loving-kindness meets happiness

A soft, expansive body. A gentle, nurturing breath. Resting with an open heart.

When I allowed myself to receive kindness, my body felt open and expansive, my breath flowing freely. I had moved from a state of contraction to one of release. When we shared appreciative images of each other, I was given a ‘tender warrior’ and ‘colourful comfort’. I was fully receiving kindness and enjoying absorbing it from all around me.

It takes five seconds for a positive experience to embed neurologically, but negative ones are immediate. If we stay with kindness, or other positive experience for long enough, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, bringing all manner of benefits. In the words of Rick Hanson, ‘Let be. Let go. Let in.’

Cultivating Equanimity: harmony and balance

Experiences coming and going. Challenging states being greeted with kindness, rather than pushed away. Enjoyable states being absorbed and let in, without over-attachment. 

My practice of receiving kindness led to beautiful connections with people who were largely strangers at the start of the week. It was an early Christmas gift.

With love and thanks to all on the retreat, my buddies and everyone at Breathworks.

Love by Erich Fried

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.