Tag: mindfulness

My Burrow

‘Bedtime Stories’ by Jessica Boehman

I had put aside preparations for my Winter meditation retreat and I was curled up on my sofa, Bella purring beside me, both of us nestled in the warmth of my heated blanket. You never know how a retreat week will unfold, but in that moment my intentions felt so clear. I needed nurturing, warmth, cosiness and space. I needed to wrap myself up in care and compassion. I needed to gently hold my experiences, both pleasurable and painful, whilst allowing the retreat space and community to gently hold me. I could pull back a little; rest, restore, let things settle and fill myself up with compassion and courage, topping up my levels of resilience.

I often find images as powerful as words. They can capture a string of intentions in one single frame. I found a beautiful illustration that caught just what I needed. Looking at ‘Bedtime Stories’ by Jessica Boehman, I wasn’t just reminded of my intentions, I was feeling them. The girl reading, a little companion by her side. The bear and fox curled up in sleepy contentment. Soft, glowing light and warmth radiating within each burrow; vibrant, even within the peaceful, restful states. Even the night sky above has a kindness to it. Little stars of light and hope. Soft, wintery branches. Each glance brought to life the feelings of nurturing, warmth, cosiness and space. An opening of my body. A warming of my heart. A softening of my mind and a sigh of relief to have a peaceful inner space to rest in.

The image and feelings it evoked became a theme for my retreat week. During a loving kindness practice, I found myself imagining I was in the cosy cocoon of the tree roots, gradually welcoming others in one by one, making sure they were warm and comfortable and wrapping us all up in love and care. We sat around a fire, bright and glowing. We curled up on beanbags, wrapped up in soft blankets. We drank hot chocolate, sweet and comforting.

It was a lazy retreat, although I soon realised I was using the word lazy when I really meant letting go. Sleepy meditations. Cosy layers. Naps. Feeling no need to fill every space with activity. My Burrow has continued to be a place of refuge. Unlike the unhelpful avoidance and shutting down that I have swung towards in the past, it has given me a comforting place of respite from where I can continue to meet each moment with gentle, compassionate acceptance.

With thanks to Jessica at Hans My Hedgehog for her beautiful artwork and her permission to share.

What is Silence?

Rustling grasses in the courtyard at Vajrasana

This is the third in a series of posts inspired by a week on retreat. You can read the first post, ‘The Gift of Kindness’ here and the second post, ‘Simplicity in Practice’ here.

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What is silence? Is it the absence of sound, or maybe the absence of unnecessary sound? Stillness. Space. In music, silence is often more powerful than the notes – it takes courage, confidence, an assured performer. Perhaps the same is true in conversation? What about internal noise? Thoughts can be incredibly loud, even though others can’t hear them. Who needs to hear it for it to be a sound? Can you be silent within whilst the external world is noisy? Is silence even possible? Is it more a case of turning down the volume and tuning in to what is most necessary, valuable and important?

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Simplicity in Practice

Early morning at Vajrasana

This is the second in a series of posts inspired by a week on retreat. You can read the first post, ‘The Gift of Kindness’ here.

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“Soft hands, soft mind, soft heart.” – Vidyamala Burch

We arrived on retreat with our baggage to unpack. We had our suitcases and holdalls of physical belongings. We also had the psychological and emotional unpacking that would likely arise during the spacious time we were giving our meditation practice. 

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Breathworks Mindfulness Teacher Training – Advanced Level

I’m sitting in the courtyard. The sky clear blue above, hot rays of sun warming my skin. Grasses whisper in the breeze, a bee buzzes around a yellow lily. There’s a burst of laughter, a passing conversation. Cutlery rattles as the dining trolley is wheeled through to the kitchen.

I was partway through my teacher training week, feeling held in the space and held in the community as the gentle hustle and bustle of retreat activity went on around me. I was back at Vajrasana, a beautiful retreat centre in the heart of rural Suffolk. I felt part of the Breathworks family, experiencing a deep connection with the people, the practice, the training and the environment I was in. I was aware of my breath deep within my body, of gentle flutterings of excitement in my chest, a smile on my face.Read More

A Little Update

It’s been a little while since I last posted. I have been enjoying a period of greater stability in my health after what was a particularly challenging Autumn and Winter, and I’ve been focusing on, and thoroughly enjoying, my mindfulness teacher training.

I’ve started running a ‘practice practice’ Mindfulness for Health course (a trial run of the official practice course I will deliver as the final part of my training ahead of applying for accreditation). It’s an absolute pleasure to be sharing what I’ve learnt with others and an honour to be able to help facilitate people in making meaningful changes in their lives. I hope it’s just a taste of what is to come. I’ve been working on the Mindful Movement component of training and Looking ahead to the advanced training retreat I’ll be going on this summer. It really is all beginning to come together.

I’d like to share this little video I made for Breathworks with you, where I talk about my experience of the Mindfulness for Health course, how it complements my FND management and how it has ultimately given me a better way to live my life.

‘Walk With Me’ – A Film Review

Can a film be a meditation? An image of a majestic stag standing in a harsh winter landscape. Ladybirds scurrying around a wooden window frame. Ants beavering away on a verandah. The sound of raindrops. My senses came alive from the cinema seat.

‘Walk With Me’ is a documentary following the Buddhist monastery, Plum Village, in rural France. The film was three years in the making and eagerly awaited for by mindfulness practitioners around the world. British film makers Marc Francis and Max Pugh gained unprecedented access to the community, describing the making of the film as a mindfulness practice in itself.Read More

The Art of Pacing

The timer goes off and my pen goes down. I breathe fully, checking for any resistance and tension, and allowing my breath to soothe my body as it sinks into my wheelchair. I prepare for a sit to stand, gently shifting from side to side before I move my body forward and up. I’m in the kitchen, making a cup of tea, tidying a few things away. The timer goes off and I breathe right down to my feet, standing tall whilst grounded and strong. I settle onto the sofa, a cup of tea, Bertie and Bella curled beside me, a cosy blanket and hot water bottle. I allow my body to rest back in the cushions. I reach for my knitting and I breathe.

My pacing hasn’t always been so finely tuned or infused with such care. I used to think I was pacing when in fact all I was doing was blocking out rest time before and after activities I knew would leave me feeling broken. In my diary, I was accounting for ‘boom and bust’, the medical term for the common pattern of overactivity when you feel a bit better and under activity when you feel a bit worse, but I wasn’t pacing in a way that brought stability to my symptoms or rhythm to my day. This led to real extremes; I could be up on stage performing one week and lying in a hospital bed the next.Read More

Reconnecting

Reconnecting with words. It feels good to be writing. My absence from the blog was unplanned; my recovery from labyrinthitis, supported so well by my week of self-care, was quickly followed by a glandular fever type infection, then a cold, which re-triggered the labyrinthitis. There was no respite, no opportunity to reconnect, as the ‘viral flare’, as my doctors are calling it, became increasingly multilayered and complex, making it even more challenging than usual to manage my FND. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. I returned to basics again and again, emptying my toolbox of symptom-management techniques, as my body tried to heal and I worked to regain and maintain lost strength and functioning. Read More

A Week of Self-Care – Day 5 – Nature

My home features on my ‘treasure of pleasure’ list most days and I feel particularly grateful to have my garden. Private and secluded by a mini woodland, it is my peaceful oasis. With labyrinthitis, I didn’t go beyond my garden gate for over three weeks, but I was able to sit outside in my wheelchair, listening to the birds, feeling the breeze and breathing in the fresh air. Even during my days in bed, I found myself gazing through my large bedroom window, getting lost in the soothing greenery and being entertained by plenty of visiting wildlife.

Connecting with nature is beneficial both physiologically and psychologically. Even if it is only looking through a window or having a plant in your room, it is known to have a positive effect. I find it incredibly grounding and it helps me feel part of a larger whole. It is a living, breathing meditation and I try to experience it in some way every day, often with the help of Bertie and Bella, who of course rarely leave my side when I am unwell.

 

‘A Tickle of Whiskers and a Nudge of a Paw’ – a post about the health benefits of time with animals, and my feline protectors, Bertie and Bella.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Autumn’ – a post on nature, mindfulness and changing seasons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Walking Meditation’ – a post about meditating while out and about, whether walking on legs or rolling on wheels.

 

 

 

 

A Week of Self-Care – Day 1 – The Call to Self-Soothe

A Week of Self-Care – Day 2 – Meditation

A Week of Self-Care – Day 3 – Nourishment

A Week of Self-Care – Day 4 – Movement

A Week of Self-Care – Day 4 – Movement

When subjected to bedrest, the body loses muscle mass at around 12% a week. Of course, it’s sometimes necessary to rest in bed when you’re unwell, and it’s what I needed during the most acute phase of my labyrinthitis, but that knowledge was a motivator to move. Not only that, but movement is vital to maintain healthy neural pathways to help my FND, and it is also as a key component of my pain management. Added to that, I knew that for my vestibular system (balance) to recover, it needed to be challenged. In other words, I had to move!

I have a range of movement practices I incorporate in my day, suitable for times ranging from when I have minimal automatic movement to those when my movement is at it’s strongest and most fluid. Even if my body is in a state of paralysis, it is still moving with the breath. That’s always my starting point, followed by mindful movement; a moving meditation that helps me regain body awareness. I then tap into my neurophysio techniques, working on my sit to stand as the basis for functional movement, and weight shifting side to side to generate some rhythm and momentum. My yoga practice ripples throughout it all. During the past few weeks I have practised yoga in bed, in my wheelchair, and I am this week starting to get back down on my mat. I am taking it incredibly gently, constantly tuning into my body and adapting what I do to meet my needs. To get some movement going feels liberating. My body feels alive as I sense energy coursing through my cells. I feel more present and I’m gradually regaining strength.

 

‘Adaptive Yoga Poses’ – In this toolbox you can find a month’s worth of adaptive yoga poses I completed in 2016 for the Mind Body Solution’s ‘Kiss My Asana’ Yogathon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘FND Movement Toolbox’ – A chart sharing some of the neurophysiotherapy techniques I use.

 

 

 

You can find an introduction on mindful movement by Breathworks, followed by a series of guided movements on Soundcloud.

 

A Week of Self-Care – Day 1 – The Call to Self-Soothe

A Week of Self-Care – Day 2 – Meditation

A Week of Self-Care – Day 3 – Nourishment