“I’m stressed.” “It’s stressful.” We say and hear it all the time, but what exactly is stress? What if it’s not the challenging experience or how we’re feeling, but the gap between the two where we can either habitually react or consciously respond?

On my recent training retreat we focused on delivering Mindfulness for Stress, an eight week course by Breathworks that is tailored towards helping people manage the challenges of daily life. There was an irony that almost immediately after immersing myself in the course I felt pretty stressed myself and yes, I’m sure I said “I’m stressed” and “it’s stressful” countless times. But I could also recognise that my response, or rather my reaction, was fuelling a lot of how I was feeling and that it was within my control to shift back to a more balanced state. Not that it was easy, but knowing that it was even possible was hugely empowering.

There are some key elements of the Mindfulness for Stress course I’ve been drawing upon during this challenging time. At its most fundamental level, I’ve been guiding my awareness again and again to the thoughts, feelings and sensations I’m experiencing. It’s from that place of awareness that I’ve been able to gain perspective and make the most helpful choices. I’ve reminded myself that during difficult times the activities that tend to get dropped are the very activities that nourish and sustain us, and I’ve intentionally set about to ensure that each day includes activities that fill me up, regardless of any challenges I also need to tend to. I’ve also been reminding myself of the brain’s tendency to cling to the negative, deliberately swaying this evolutionary bias by encouraging myself to notice and feel the good in a situation. It can be really interesting to observe my initial thoughts and feelings and then to explore the many positive possibilities that may occur, or perhaps are already there. Maybe there’ll be a long-term gain, a useful point of learning or an opportunity to cultivate an inner strength? Maybe I’m experiencing anxiety and frustration, but I’m also deepening a connection with someone close to me as they listen and support?

Above all, I have been nurturing self-care and kindness, including forgiving myself during the times when the above has felt a little out of reach and the situation overwhelming. Knowing I have these tools is incredibly comforting. They provide a wonderful safety net and a powerful reminder that I can choose to nurture and nourish, rather than slide or be pushed into depletion. As Jon Kabat-Zinn says, “you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf,” or to use a Breathworks’ image, you can glide through the waves like a beautiful streamlined yacht, rather than being tossed about on the water’s surface like a little dinghy.

If you found this topic interesting, you may also like to read When Waves Become Ripples – A Sign of Progress in Mindfulness and ‘The Little Mindfulness Workbook’ by Gary Hennessey.