It was a dark winter’s afternoon and I was surrounded by fields in rural Suffolk. I’d lost all sense of where I was when I embarked on my first meditation retreat, but the centre soon enveloped me in its gentle and calm atmosphere. I was at Vajrasana, part of the London Buddhist Centre, in the state of the art ‘intelligent’ building that opened in 2016. Communal spaces, bedrooms and meditation spaces surrounded peaceful courtyards. Each way I looked, a picture was framed by the architecture, changing with the light and dark, and the misty fog that seemed to shroud us until our final afternoon.The weekend was hosted by Breathworks and titled, ‘Stillness, simplicity and contentment: A mid-winter mindfulness retreat.’ A ‘curious and open mind’ was the intention I’d left home with, eager to explore and experience something new. We were greeted by two friendly retreat leaders, Atapini and Pascual, who held and supported us through the weekend with warmth, kindness and humour. Eight participants, mainly strangers, came together. As we joined in our practice, shared our experiences and opened to reveal our vulnerabilities, we connected as a group in the most extraordinary way.We rose early, woken by the soft ring of a hand bell, and spent the days meditating, having teaching input on some of Breathworks’ key principles, eating together and resting. Most of our formal practice took place in the Shrine Room, or ‘Meditation Hall’, as we called it, as we were on a secular mindfulness retreat. The space was dominated by an imposing Buddha statue. I found an incredible presence in the image. It was powerful yet comforting, and it fascinated me that something on such a huge scale could have that effect. It was an embodiment of mindfulness.

We formally ended the weekend with a retreat connection meditation, beginning by sharing our retreat experience. I expressed my relief at coming home to where I’m meant to be. Tears flowed and tissue was passed around the circle as we listened to each person with our full attention. It was heartfelt and authentic. We were then guided through a connection meditation in three stages. In the first, we settled into our own experience, focusing on the breath and sensory context. In the second we connected to our heart space, open and warm. In the third we introduced each person of the group into our awareness in turn. We reflected on our shared experience, expressing gratitude and sending them well wishes of kindness. It was my first experience of a connection meditation within a group. I found it profoundly moving and incredibly beautiful.

When, some days later, I saw the group photo that was taken before we left the retreat centre, I was struck by how happy and light we all looked. I wonder how the same photo taken at the start of the retreat may have differed? For me, the retreat was a transformational experience. I’ve been left feeling inspired, with a clear path to follow. There is so much more I am looking forward to sharing with you. As you may know, I have been working on a book based on the time of my FND diagnosis and the new way of being that has emerged from it. Whilst I focus on that writing, for the time being at least, I plan to publish fortnightly blog posts. I do hope you can join me in a couple of weeks’ time.