‘Lightly child, lightly.’ It was week seven of my practice Mindfulness for Health course. I had just shared a passage by Aldous Huxley whilst guiding a Body Scan with an Open Heart emphasis. One participant described a feeling of lightness in her body and a sense of relief that in allowing experiences to come and go, they lost their intensity. Another, commented on how we can gently hold an experience, or we can grasp it, crushing it and creating tension and suffering for ourselves. The words supported me throughout the course, my mind and body softening each time I read them as I took a step back to see more clearly. Watching us enjoy that lightness was a delight. It hadn’t always been that way, for myself or for the group.

The first week I sensed frustration in the group that they couldn’t know everything the course had to offer straight away, and frustration in myself that I couldn’t give them all the answers at once, if at all. Participants were understandably in the problem solving, ‘fix-it’ mentality of Doing Mode. I found myself tipping into that mode of mind too, my body tensing as a rapid stream of negative thoughts passed through my mind…they’re not enjoying it…it’s my fault…I’m letting Breathworks down… That negativity bias can be oh so strong, but I recognised that it stemmed from my commitment to Breathworks and my desire for participants to benefit from the course. Astonishingly, during our very first formal meditation half the group fell asleep, including those who were most nervous about being there. By the second week, body language was softer and more open, mental chatter seemed quieter and calmer, and faces were brighter. I was beginning to sit back too and allow the beautiful unfolding that happened over the following weeks. 

‘Just this moment, just this breath.’ Part-way through the course I became unwell. As I rested and practised informally, I recognised I was still engaging with the course and preparing for the next class. I was living and breathing it, quite literally. Having to cancel a class was an important experience for me. There was some inner friction, a little voice saying I was failing in my mindfulness practice and therefore my teaching by being ill and cancelling. I didn’t rationally believe this, at all, but it was a nagging doubt creeping in, tapping into old core beliefs of not being good enough and being a failure because of my illness. Of course, it’s about how I meet these challenges rather than making them go away, an important distinction to make. When I meet each moment with gentle acceptance it sets me up with options for wise and compassionate choices and actions for the next moment. Tiny moments, tiny steps, add up to a huge positive spiral and to the bigger picture of how I meet this life of mine. With this reflecting came a fresh resolve that I could do this. Come the next class, I felt excited and honoured to be sharing such life-changing and life-affirming ideas with others. Working with my own challenges is integral to this and if I didn’t experience the difficult times I would have far less to offer.

I introduced Compassionate Acceptance leading a sensory grounding practice using heart hand warmers, allowing the warmth to soothe and comfort. It brought to life in a tangible way many qualities of self-compassion. To witness vulnerable people show themselves kindness and gently turn towards difficulties that only a few weeks earlier had felt totally overwhelming to them was incredible. By the final weeks of the course, there was an evident shift in participants’ ability and willingness to sit with the difficult, to self-reflect, and to allow questions to remain unanswered. There was a quiet confidence that they just needed to show up, be present and meet their experience with kindly curiosity. I felt their process was echoed in my own; I also noticed greater confidence in both my teaching and my ability to meet challenging experiences as they arose, in the moment, whilst maintaining my grounding and feeling quite open and curious. Our final class felt like a celebration and an expression of gratitude for all we had learnt and shared. Guiding the course connection meditation, I felt like the group was being held in a gentle compassionate breath as I said each person’s name and we silently reflected on their suffering, their courage, our shared humanness and wishing them well. 

I experienced an extraordinary feeling of purpose and meaning whilst facilitating the course. I felt awash with gratitude to have found this way of being and to be able to play a small part in helping others to find their way too. How much more we can experience and learn when it comes from that place of lightness, of ease, of balanced effort.

Excerpt from ‘Island’ – Aldous Huxley

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days… Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly, my darling. Lightly, my dear.”

With love and thanks to everyone who supported me in my practice course – to Lynn, my wonderful course supporter who gave me endless practical assistance and warm hugs when needed; to the wonderful participants who placed their trust in me, challenged me and taught me so much; to Mj, my supervisor, who gave me the gentle, grounded support I needed whilst allowing me to fly; and to all at Breathworks.

You can read more about my teacher training with Breathworks in Breathworks Mindfulness Teacher Training – Introductory Level and Breathworks Mindfulness Teacher Training – Advanced Level.