At the start of lockdown, I felt unexpectedly excited as my world was opening up and new possibilities were coming my way. Things that I’m often unable to access physically were made available online. People who are usually busy spending their days out and about were suddenly at home, their days becoming closer to mine.

But I didn’t anticipate how busy the online world would become and how overwhelmed I would feel. I realised many of us were feeling the same. My sister had 125 unread messages in just one WhatsApp group. My Mum asked if turning her phone to silent would stop it constantly pinging? My book club decided not to go virtual during this time as we had originally planned, or perhaps more accurately assumed, as one by one we admitted it all felt too much and that we would rather curl up quietly with a book and have time to turn inward and reflect.

Of course there’s a natural and very human pull to be connected, especially when we’re missing family and friends and living through such uncertain, and for some completely devastating, times. We want to reach out to others. We want to feel heard. We want to check in with loved ones near and far. But when does necessary and meaningful communication slip to the tendency to use social media on autopilot, distracting ourselves from our feelings and not necessarily meeting our needs? Are we really connecting when we use all these online platforms? For me, I know it’s slipped from something positive and helpful to something negative and unhelpful when I start to notice I’m feeling disconnected – the very opposite of what I’m hoping for. Pushed too much, my nervous system gets overloaded and it adversely affects my FND. Perhaps I’m more sensitive to this than many, but I would guess it’s a continuum that affects everyone in some way.

It’s new territory for us all, as though none of us are quite sure what the social etiquette is as we try to adjust to this different way of living. I took a step back and checked in with my pacing, making a few changes and redefining some boundaries. I spoke to my Mum and sister and we set a few guidelines as to how we were going to communicate to ensure all our needs were met without becoming overwhelmed in the process. It really was that simple. 

So far it’s working well. I feel a greater sense of balance between reaching out and turning inwards. I feel less frazzled and more able to support myself and others during this time. I have also experienced some truly meaningful connections online. I have been sitting in virtual meditation halls alongside as many as 150 people. I don’t know names or individual stories, but sharing our practice in this way, knowing that we are all in this together, that ultimately we all want to be safe and well, gives rise to a deep and comforting sense of connection. Having just become part of the Breathworks Associate Online Teaching Team, I feel more determined than ever to use the internet wisely to reach out to others whilst continuing to support myself.

It’s an interesting process to observe; noticing with curiosity how we are all communicating, how we are using the amazing online resources available to us, and contemplating when they are of value and when they are not. Like so many things, I think it comes down to awareness, and using that awareness to respond to an ever-changing situation to help create a semblance of balance and feelings of wellbeing. What works today might look completely different tomorrow or next week.

You can read more about how I bring mindfulness to my use of the internet in a post I wrote three years ago – Intentional Internet.