I move from side to side, shifting the centre of gravity in my chest, left, right, left, right. My knees bend softly, my feet start to lift up, left, right, left, right. I look ahead in the mirror, left, right, left, right. I hold the rail, the sturdy support, left, right, left, right. There’s an unfamiliar jolt beneath me; my body twists and I fall on my back. Read More
If you follow my blog regularly, you may have noticed I didn’t share a post last week. It was one of those weeks when unexpected stressors were being thrown at me quicker than I felt I could deal with them. We all have them. It can be any number of things; an illness, a difficult communication, something going wrong, an extra task coming your way when your diary’s already full. When the stressors start hurtling towards you, it can quickly become overwhelming. It can feel difficult to pick yourself up if the next knock blows before you’re fully upright. You feel thrown about by stress with a disconcerting lack of control.Read More
I embarked on Breathworks’ ‘Mindfulness for Health’ course with high hopes. I was already familiar with the wonderful work of Breathworks and I was eager to bring more of their techniques into my practice. I wasn’t disappointed. In fact, my expectations were exceeded as I deepened my practice in a supportive and inspiring community. Read More
Have you ever been struck by how differently two people can view the same thing? How about considering how one person can see two very different points of view? It is so easy to get stuck in a particular mindset thinking there is only one way, but with an increase in psychological flexibility it’s possible to take a step back and consider alternative views. You might just discover all sorts of possibilities if you do.
I was feeling anxious about something recently; future hospital treatment, so it was understandable that I might feel apprehensive. I felt stuck. I’d lost control and jumped into the unknown. At least that’s what my thoughts were telling me. Prompted by the words of a wise doctor, I was reminded how those thoughts weren’t necessarily true. What might the alternative be? Could I flip it? Could I take charge and therefore feel in control? Could I express my wishes and assert my needs, making it less of an unknown? Yes, I could. The result was immediate and empowering. It felt like an entirely different situation. I was no longer stuck.
Our thoughts have a direct impact on our feelings, so it’s no surprise that a shift in perspective can bring a shift in feelings and an increased sense of well-being. The challenge is to see the alternative. We become so familiar with a particular point of view that our brains literally get used to activating certain neural pathways. The good news is that just like physical flexibility, psychological flexibility (being able to adapt to different situations and view alternative perspectives) can be increased. Learning something new, doing something differently and getting out of your comfort zone all help. You can read more about that here. It really is worth the effort.
“This is going to take some time,” I thought, as I was asked to draw my attention to the big toe of my left foot at the start of my first body scan meditation. I kept going though and was soon aware of tingling sensations in my feet I’d never noticed before. When I reached my lower back, a surge of warmth spread up my spine. By the end I was breathing with my entire body, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I felt grounded, calm and peaceful, yet alert and awake.Read More
I’m sitting on the sofa. An icy chill seeps through my skin, penetrating layers of clothing and blankets. My legs are switched off. Lifeless. Paralysed. I try to wriggle my toes. I can’t.
Symptoms of abnormal movement are a common feature of FND, so much so that it is sometimes referred to as Functional Movement Disorder. Paralysis, spasms, tremor, limp and gait changes can occur. Any part of the body can start moving in an unusual way. My movement can change so dramatically and quickly from full-body paralysis to violent spasms that can take me to the opposite side of the room. It is unnerving to experience and I expect it’s unnerving to watch.
There’s a bottle of oramorph in my medicine drawer. Liquid morphine. It’s sickly sweet, measured in a little cup or syringe. An opioid painkiller, it’s related to heroin. It binds to receptors in the spinal cord and brain, blocking the body’s natural response to pain. It doesn’t necessarily take away pain, but it certainly makes you care less about it. It’s strong. It puts you in a woozy haze, somewhere between awake and asleep. It’s addictive. Tolerance levels build. Chronic pain patients can end up taking doses that would kill someone taking it for the first time, and yet they can still be experiencing pain. Anti-sickness tablets are an essential counterpart, as is water, lots of water, or even better a freezer full of ice-lollies. Don’t get me started on the drug-induced hangover.Read More
Those words jumped out at me from an interview I was listening to online. They resonated so deeply, I’ve found myself thinking about them again and again. There is such truth, wisdom and emotional depth in that one simple statement. Let me set the context.
FND (Functional Neurological Disorder) Awareness Day was this week. Raising the profile of the disorder is so important. It took fifteen years for me to receive a correct diagnosis and specialist treatment to help me self-manage my condition. That was half my lifetime and far too long. Even so, I consider myself fortunate; I have a diagnosis and I have access to a world-class team of medical experts. Read More