Letting Go, Letting In

‘November again. It’s more like winter than autumn. That’s not mist. It’s fog.

The sycamore seeds hit the glass in the wind like – no, not like anything else, like sycamore seeds hitting window glass.

There’s been a couple of windy nights. The leaves are stuck to the ground with the wet. The ones on the paving are yellow and rotting, wanwood, leafmeal. One is so stuck that when it eventually peels away, its leafshape left behind, shadow of a leaf, will last on the pavement till next spring. 

The furniture in the garden is rusting. They’ve forgotten to put it away for the winter.

The trees are revealing their structures. There’s the catch of fire in the air. All the souls are out marauding. But there are roses, there are still roses. In the damp and the cold, on bush that looks done, there’s a wide-open rose, still.

Look at the colour of it.’

‘Autumn’ by Ali Smith

Autumn. It’s a bittersweet time. The light fades, the leaves fall, and yet we’re dazzled by golden colours and excited by seasonal festivities. The hedges outside the window are almost bare, but there are fresh green shoots of bulbs eagerly waiting for Spring. And yes, there’s a wide-open rose, still.

Just like nature, our brains have to let go in order to let in. Neuroplasticity isn’t only about developing and strengthening new neural pathways, but also clearing old ones. This is important if we’re to move forward in our lives, rather than being stuck in a never ending cycle of the same.Read More

Becoming My Own Therapist – FND Awareness Day 2018

Voices for FND. Which voice do I want to be heard? The voice of frustration that we have to fight for diagnosis and treatment? The voice of sorrow that so many suffer so greatly from this condition? Or the voice of hope that it’s possible to live a good life even amongst these challenges? Read More

A Word of Intention

Sometimes a single word can be such a powerful compass. It can give direction when you’re feeling lost and it can remind you of your aspirations, values and strengths, helping you to regain your footing and find your way.Read More

The Little Moments

I’m sitting on my porch in the late afternoon sun. My chair rocks back and forth as Bertie tickles my toes with his whiskers and soft fur. The colours around me have been unveiled from days of misty rain; vibrant pinks, firey oranges, soft purples. Bees are hard at work, buzzing industriously from flower to flower. Swifts are soaring in amongst puffs of clouds, shrieking as if letting out a cry of exhilaration. Sounds of laughter and play reach me from the nearby park.Read More

A Lesson In Patience

There’s a lady in the bed opposite. She’s waiting patiently with such elegance and poise. Later today she is having surgery to remove a tumour from her brain. She’ll be awake during the operation. She’s been warned of possible complications; loss of function and changes in personality. She waits, calmly. “It’s okay for me,” she says, “this is a one-off. It’s you I feel for having an ongoing condition.”

There’s a lady in the bed alongside me. She’s been waiting for hours, days, for tests she desperately hopes will reveal answers. “I just want to know what’s wrong,” she says, jumping up every time someone approaches her bed. I don’t know what’s tormenting her more, the waiting or the unknown.

As for me, my bags are packed and I’m waiting to go home. My face lights up as I think of seeing my kitties and being in the peace and quiet of my little oasis. But here I find myself, waiting.Read More

Self-Soothe

I was becoming invisible, my body paling to the white sheets. As I lay on the hospital trolley, unable to move or speak, all I had was my mind. The strength of my thoughts and the images they created could take me anywhere. As I felt my heart sinking and tears pooling at my eyes I knew I needed to change direction. I focused on my breath. It gave me perspective. What was I feeling and where was it coming from? I felt utterly worthless. The actions, or lack of actions, by others during a time of acute illness in A&E had triggered an inner story; a deep seated belief that I knew to be untrue, yet at that moment I was compelled to believe.Read More

‘What do I need?’ – A Technique for Self-Care

Consciously Connected - what do I need?

George is a middle-aged man who lives in the States. He has a severe, progressive condition that affects all aspects of his day to day life, yet he is functioning on a higher level than many others with comparable disease. George practises mindfulness and is included as a case study in ‘Full Catastrophe Living’ by Jon Kabat-Zinn. ‘Within the limits of his disease, he is actively meeting life’s challenges rather than sitting at home and bemoaning his fate. He takes each moment as it comes and figures out how he can work with it and stay relaxed and aware.’ An example of this is how George does the weekly grocery shop for himself and his wife. He takes his time. He rests. He asks for help when necessary. He gets the shopping packed into light bag loads which he is then able to lift from the trolley to the car. The daily tasks he completes in this way bring value and meaning to his life as he is able to contribute to the running of his household, whilst self-managing his condition. Read More

The Wheel of Well-being

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If you follow my blog regularly, you may have noticed I didn’t share a post last week.  It was one of those weeks when unexpected stressors were being thrown at me quicker than I felt I could deal with them.  We all have them.  It can be any number of things; an illness, a difficult communication, something going wrong, an extra task coming your way when your diary’s already full.  When the stressors start hurtling towards you, it can quickly become overwhelming.  It can feel difficult to pick yourself up if the next knock blows before you’re fully upright.  You feel thrown about by stress with a disconcerting lack of control.Read More

The Lake Meditation

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Sunlight shimmering on the surface.
Trees reflected,
water like a mirror.

Ducks swimming, calm above, furiously paddling beneath
a fan of ripples.

Murky green water,
shadows
depth.

Mysterious koi carp lurking beneath
the surface.

A gentle breeze gathering ripples.
Water undulating,
swirling
bubbling.

A vessel.
Fluid.
Contained.
The lake.Read More

Mindfulness for Health – A Course Review

 

 

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I embarked on Breathworks’ ‘Mindfulness for Health’ course with high hopes.  I was already familiar with the wonderful work of Breathworks and I was eager to bring more of their techniques into my practice.  I wasn’t disappointed.  In fact, my expectations were exceeded as I deepened my practice in a supportive and inspiring community. Read More